Haze & Chaos - Special 1
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Liger Brigade INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT
Interviewer: Emmitt Bentley
Interviewees: Geraldline “Gerri/Xxz” Carry Beulens, Renk-Traell/Hellrazer
Date of Interview: 2/23/2025
Start Time of Interview: 3:30 PM CT
End Time of Interview: EXCERPT
Location of Interview: Sky Fortress Camelot, United States Airspace
Subject: Specialist William D. Ford II, The Texas Incident, Vlad IV Dracul, The XTRON Virus
[Subjects Xxz and Hellrazer enter the interview room at 3:30 PM CT and take a seat at the table, making casual small talk and banter, with interviewer Emmitt Bentley preparing his notes and recording devices, greeting the two as they sit down. Two other subjects of interest, Grimm Clara and Ernust Brantley, were unavailable at the time.]
Emmitt: [turning on the recording device] –let’s just get this… are we good?
Xxz: [gets up to check the device] Um… yeah! See? The light’s on…
Emmitt: Very good, thank you. [taps the microphone a couple of times, checking for readings on the device’s gauges and meters] Alright, we’re recording. Ahem (sneezes)...
Hellrazer: [leans back in chair] Bless you.
Emmitt: [sniffles and wipes nose with a tissue] Thanks, augh… (sniffles) [sic]. Anyways, I am Emmitt Bentley, intel officer for The Liger Brigade. It is currently 3… 3:33 PM Central Time – huh, strange coincidence… Did you guys know I study numerology?
Hellrazer: [nods respectfully] A holy number indeed.
Emmitt: Right [respectfully in return]. We are aboard Sky Fortress Camelot above United States airspace. I am currently speaking to Geraldine Carry Beulens, also known as “Gerri” [Xxz groans a little] – who goes by the alias “Xxz,” pronounced differently from how it is spelled [sic] [pronunciation: Ecks-Zee]. Now Xxz, you are a bounty hunter, correct?
Xxz: Yesss indeedy! [sic] I’m an information broker and specialize in investigations, like Mary Pickford does. [Mary Pickford being a fellow bounty hunter and member of The Gemini Division, in addition to working extensively with The Magic Anomaly Investigation Group]
Emmitt: I understand you were in a relationship with one of our subjects? [Specialist William Ford II]
Xxz: Jeez, what is this, an interrogation? [laughs, with the other two chuckling] Yeah, I was his girlfriend from 2011 to 2017 – we… broke up due to just… drifting away from each other, I guess. (pauses) Hey, speak of the devil; where is Will? Is he here at the moment?
Emmitt: I believe he is currently in New York City, getting ready for his court case against Laurence Duckenfield…
Xxz: [groans loudly in displeasure] JEEZ, THAT TOSSPOT!
Hellrazer: [puts his hands together] It’s good to see that vile monster of man [Laurence] finally put in his place.
Emmitt: [pauses, as he gives Hellrazer an uneasy look before resuming] Um, yeah, agreed… Ahem, I am also speaking to the man known as “Hellrazer,” or the depths demon Renk-Traell – another bounty hunter.
Hellrazer: A pleasure indeed, Mr. Bentley [there is brief blip of static as he speaks, picked up on the devices’ instruments]
Emmitt: [taps the gauges for the instruments] Blasted thing… Hellrazer, while not an active member of the Brigade and its allies, is one of our foremost informants on the goings-on of The Profane Alliance. I understand you have ties to one of our other subjects? [Vlad IV Dracul]
Hellrazer: Indeed, as Vlad has sought out my help many times in the past – given his previous life and the amends he’s been trying to make, it would stand to reason that he would be seeking out people such as Clara and myself.
Emmitt: Quite the interesting story to say the least. Now what I want to discuss is The Texas Incident [there is a pause as Xxz bubbles her lips in frustration]. The Texas Incident was a failed mission where Will [Emmitt refers to the subject with his nickname due to being familiar with him] was sent to Texas to investigate a concern that a part of The Great Uncity [from The Unlight] was beginning to extend into San Antonio. This was an easy, low-risk mission, or so we thought. What happened was that agents of The Sons of Hecate [it is unclear if they were affiliated or not] had captured Will and proceeded to attempt to traffick him to the Balkans. Will was ambushed during the night in his hotel room, knocked out cold, and um… [looks uncomfortable]
Hellrazer: Go ahead and say it…
Xxz: Yeah, no beating around the bush, ha…
Emmitt: [clears throat] Well, he was vacuum sealed in an envelope of industrial-grade rubber, [hesitates, with Xxz nodding] the whole contraption being called a… ugh, vacuum bed, as per people in the alternative lifestyle space say [turns away to groan].
Xxz: [smiles in a mildly disrespectful way, but not to mock Emmitt] Makes you a little uneasy, doesn’t it?
Emmitt: (sighs) It’s weird, alright? Like, I don’t get how people can just do that – film themselves in those… acts, and post it for everyone to see!
Hellrazer: The decline of morals isn’t exclusive to the criminal underground…
Emmitt: I mean look – if you want to do that on your own time in the privacy of your bedroom – ARGH, getting back on track! [composes himself] Let’s just say Will was restrained for now. Will was restrained and moved to a criminal facility in Florida where they had planned to send him discretely by cargo freighter to the Balkans, specifically to a facility in Montenegro, then to Belarus [both facilities alluded to being owned by The Sons of Hecate]. Thankfully we already had people on the inside that were aware of this little plot.
Hellrazer: [leans in with his hands together] Yes, as Ernust Brantley had alerted Grimm Clara, who in turn recruited Xxz and I to step in and rescue Will – Currently I am not at liberty to say how Ernust acquired this intel…
Xxz: [interrupts] It was Perkele [Hellrazer groans at her, causing a noticeable blip of static in the recording – it is unclear what Xxz or Emmitt said in response to this] Don’t mind Renk, he’s just twitchy over who Perkele works for at the moment, which I legitimately can’t say at the moment…
Hellrazer: [interjects] Oh, so that’s where you draw the line? [the two glare at each other]
Emmitt: I mean, we have our suspicions, but for the sake of confidentiality and sensitivity I’ll arrest any further details.
Hellrazer: [clears his throat and causes a blip of static] As I was saying, Perkele had access to special information thanks to a… let’s just say a mole within The Profane Alliance. Ernust was quick to start working with Perkele when he showed up offering his services to Sebastian, and he’s been Ernust’s informant ever since – And yes, Sebastian has also been benefitting from this intel. Ernust was preoccupied with other matters at the time, but Grimm Clara was out the door the minute she heard Will was in danger – Clara is a fellow deep specter, so it only made sense…
Emmitt: [interjecting] based on what Anton has told us, which was pretty surprising, honestly. [referencing Grimm Clara]
Xxz: Naturally I nearly had a heart attack the minute I heard Will had been captured. [not literally, as Xxz was expressing her concern for Will]
Hellrazer: And based on some of the things Perkele has told us, am I to assume that this interview pertains to Vlad’s search for the XTRON Virus? [Emmitt nods] That’s what I figured… Sadly I don’t think this was related to that, outside of Vlad using the chaos to further his search – I firmly believe Hecate was after Will to experiment on him, given some interesting activity we’ve noticed from Synthia and The Star Eater…
Emmitt: [interjecting] We’ll have to put a pin in that one for now…
Hellrazer: [nods, with Emmitt later noting that his smile was particularly infectious at that moment] Given my absolute, burning disdain for that VILE WRETCH SATAN [the machine goes berserk for a second, with Hellrazer noticing and calming down], I was on board given that I have been trying to help get Hecate out of Sebastian’s hair…
Emmitt: (surprised) Re-really? [sic]
Hellrazer: Most certainly – stemming from a plot by Volf Blitz to clean up The Eternal Order. I’d argue this was most prominent following the aftermath of The Tyrant War, when he really began making headway in The Commercialverse – are you aware of Volf’s hatred of gnostic entities and how The Lost Darkness God uses them to keep the Cosmos ignorant, with Hecate using the tenets of gnosticism in her garbage, new-age propaganda?
Emmitt: [pauses to consider what he was told] I would… have to talk to my superiors about that one…
Hellrazer: [slowly nods] I see…
Xxz: [groans loudly out of apparent boredom, visibly annoying Hellrazer] OH MY GOD, LET’S JUST GET TO THE INTERESTING STUFF! So I was out of bed, got my gear on, and was straight off to good ol’Miami Keys!
Hellrazer: (frowns) Actually it was somewhere in the panhandle, with Hecate’s goons planning to sneak out through the Gulf of Mexico…
Xxz: [snickers and speaks in a mocking voice] Don’t you mean the Gulf of America?
Emmitt: [groans and facepalms] God, I hate that so much – JUST CALL IT THE GODDAMN GULF OF MEXICO! It’s what I’ve called it for my entire life – CHRIST, I am so glad President Donovan undid that and sacked that dumbass! [Abel Donovan’s vice president at the time, who shall remain redacted]
Xxz: [gives a cathartic groan] THANK YOU, EMMITT, and let’s add that stupid daylight savings time law he tried to rush through behind Abel’s back! [Again, referring to Abel Donovan’s former vice president. The law in question was also vetoed.]
Emmitt: I know, right!? Yeah, let’s just have our kids going to school when its pitch black out! What could go wrong!?
Hellrazer: [clears his throat to get the attention of the other two] Let’s get back on track, everyone…
Emmitt: Ahem, right! If Will was here, he’d be having a field day with us… Scratch that last… actually, no, keep it in.
Xxz: [Gives a relieved sigh] Anyways – so I was out there with my ninja stars and anime references out the ass! [“Ninja stars” referring to a spell based on her aberrant magic] These handless latex gloves? They ain’t for show – they’re magic! SUGOI!
Hellrazer: [Clearly annoyed by Xxz’s attempts at speaking Japanese] You realize that the ninja anime you were referencing at the time wasn’t actually a ninja anime, right?
Xxz: NANI!? [Emmitt laughs in response to this outburst]
Hellrazer: It’s clearly a… erm, comic book anime – she makes me watch this nonsense whenever she’s at Clara’s bar.
Xxz: Wait, what? [angrily points at Hellrazer] First off, that anime is ICONIC – me and Will love it! And secondly, what are you talking about?
Hellrazer: [Growls, making the machines go haywire again] Do I even need to explain that stupid, might-as-well-be-illegal joint trademark those two EVER CHARMING, Extinction Order-owned comic book companies had on that one word – GOOD LORD, COULD HUMANS BE ANY MORE INSUFFERABLE?! [Xxz and Emmitt lean back as the lights flicker violently]
Emmitt: Actually they lost that trademark in September 2024, I believe… [He is pretty sure he knows what word Hellrazer is referring to.]
Hellrazer: Really now?! [The lights briefly increase in intensity aligning with Hellrazer’s change in mood]
Emmitt: Yes, Will was talking about it – “Superhero” is no longer trademarked by you know who, for the most part.
Xxz: [Smiles at Hellrazer] Hey, the government did something right for once…
Emmitt: To be clear, I think someone challenged it, the companies did not respond accordingly, and the trademark and patent office revoked it.
Hellrazer: [Nods his head approvingly, with the lights brightening and dimming in rhythm with his nods] Well then – Gerri, that anime is not a ninja anime, it’s a superhero anime!
Xxz: [Leans in towards Hellrazer] Excuse me, boy?
Hellrazer: After sitting through that unnecessary tournament arc, the obnoxious amount of filler that should have been in the story by default, and that balls-to-wall timeskip series, I can say without a shadow of doubt that it was a superhero anime!
Xxz: Sumimasen?! Care to explain your logic?
Hellrazer: They use chakra like a power system where only a select few people have it, and each of those individuals have a unique spin on how they use it, with people that can inherit those techniques – IT IS A SUPERHERO ANIME.
Xxz: WHAT? BAKA, YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT OF THE ANIME!
Hellrazer: What point do you have to make?! The main character’s orange color scheme is the only one in the whole series! And no one else has it!
Xxz: What does that have to do with anything?! How is that even relevant?!
Hellrazer: Being right is always relevant!
Xxz: What are you even right about!?
Hellrazer: You are the one who always makes me watch these children’s shows, so you’re going to shut up and sit down, especially when you don’t even have a point to counter my point!
Xxz: [stutters gibberish for a moment] YES–YES, I BLOODY-WELL DO HAVE A POINT TO MAKE.
Hellrazer: [Slams table with hands and causes the lights to flicker] NO, YOU BLOODY-WELL DON’T – GOD, now I know how Soren feels when Aurilieus argues with him!
Emmitt: [Nervously chuckles and taps table with papers quite loudly] Um, Guys? We were supposed to be discussing The Texas Incident…
Xxz: [pauses and looks at Emmitt with a look of mild embarrassment] One second, Emmitt – Kid’s shows?! Okay, how about this – I found some of those rare 90s OVAs that are super violent [Emmitt looks mildly appalled] Don’t worry, they’re not nihilistic or anything like that [turns back to Hellrazer] In fact I think I found some that are legitimately lost media…
Hellrazer: [Crosses arms] really now?
Xxz: You know how it is with us being underground and being able to find whatever you want… Emmitt, you ever hear of Go For a Punch? Saki Sanobashi?
Emmitt: [Nods, but is clearly not familiar with the referenced material] I’d have to look into it… Is it something Will is familiar with?
Xxz: (nods) And it’s complete BULLSHIT. I think I’ve found something better that’s an actual anime, however – it weirdly feels like the urban legend. You need to check it out, Hellrazer, as it has a lot of strange concepts and entities that feel like stuff we’ve seen…
Hellrazer: [Nods in return, showing a look of intrigue and contemplation] I see… You were talking about how we broke into the warehouse?
Xxz: OH YEAH, THAT! What a silly baka I am! Anyways, Clara went after the head grunt and killed him…
Emmitt: Yes, and it looks like it was pretty brutal, being crushed by a steel beam that shouldn’t have fallen from the ceiling…
Xxz: Yup, that’s her “bad luck magic” for you.
Hellrazer: I dispatched the other grunts, which was quite easy… until they brought out a no-name nephilim.
Xxz: [nods towards Emmitt’s worried expression] We’ll get to that in a moment. So I went and rescued Will, who was being loaded into a truck. [Manifests what looks like a “throwing star” from one of her gloves] It’s amazing how in anime these things always manage to miss their target every time, yet I’m pretty sure I hit every throw and nailed their arteries… [appears regretful as she dissipates the throwing star] So anyways, I went to cut Will out of the rubber, but he was hooked up to a life support system… It was too complicated, so I just said ‘screw it’ and ripped him out.
Emmitt: And what about that nephilim?
Hellrazer: A giant-class who looked like an ogre mixed with a dragon. Clara, Xxz, and I were able to drive it away, but we firmly believe it was taken to the Balkans – we’re not sure what warehouse it is residing in, which is something Vlad will have to be careful of…
Xxz: Yeah, but thankfully Will was okay, just being woozy and lethargic from the sedatives they [the criminals] had him on. Antares had me take him home, and well… made up the lie that he [Will] had been out drinking…
Emmitt: [laughs and bangs the table] Sam and Antonio actually believed that?! I mean, I knew there was a cover story employed…
Xxz: [shakes her head] Of course they didn’t believe it…
Emmitt: (sighs) Oh my God, Antares, you need to work on your cover stories… For the record, we had Vladislav ready to go over in the Balkans, and you know how seriously he takes threats to the squad…
Xxz: (nods) Mm-hmm, true that…
Hellrazer: [Takes a breath, with his exhale appearing on camera] I don’t know if you were told about this, but the nephilim in question seemed to be roaring about how he wanted to crush Vlad like a bug, which does not bode well for the near future.
Emmitt: [leans in] Really now?
Hellrazer: I have no doubt that Hecate and Ultinn are on to him [Vlad IV Dracul] – Clara and I agreed that we needed to send Mary and Shark-X out to join Gemini to throw Hecate off and allow Ernust to work his way into a certain cell of The Sons of Hecate, but that doesn’t change the fact that Ultinn knows Vlad, given his [Ultinn] past actions as Karnage…
Xxz: And then all of the stuff with Will and The Star Eater? Are you sure these things aren’t connected?
Hellrazer: [groans in frustration towards the uncertainty as he leans back, making the lights dim for a second] It bodes ill for us if they are, and could imply Audoin is poking his nose in where he shouldn’t – given that he was from the DETHBOTS commercial-universe… Then again, the ambitions between The Profane Alliance, The Eternal Order, and The Lost Darkness God are incredibly disparate. All of the infighting is evident of that.
Emmitt: You’re concern is warranted, given that The Earl Profane has been spotted in New York City, and Laurence has been working with Kenneth Stainthorpe – the lattermost we have confirmed is from Universe-231218
Hellrazer: And with Rambert Roijakkers [one of Audoin’s right hand men] causing trouble in The Great Uncity, it’s anyone’s guess where this conflict is going…
Emmitt: [writes down some notes and adjusts his position in his chair] Xxz, if you want to get up and take a breather or go get a drink, feel free to do so. I’m going to move on to The XTRON Virus subject, and I understand this is more of Hellrazer's forte…
Xxz: [yawns and stretches, then gets up and heads for the door] Alright then, let me know if you need me back.
Emmitt: Will do. Now, Hellrazer, I understand you had some run-ins with some of Demeter’s thugs?
Hellrazer: Unpleasantly so… [The lights dim a little with his frustration]
END OF EXCERPT
Next: The Hunt
ULTRAMagic Alternate © 2022 William Ford II (ChaoticTempleKnight)
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Liger Brigade INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT
Interviewer: Emmitt Bentley
Interviewees: Geraldline “Gerri/Xxz” Carry Beulens, Renk-Traell/Hellrazer
Date of Interview: 2/23/2025
Start Time of Interview: 3:30 PM CT
End Time of Interview: EXCERPT
Location of Interview: Sky Fortress Camelot, United States Airspace
Subject: Specialist William D. Ford II, The Texas Incident, Vlad IV Dracul, The XTRON Virus
[Subjects Xxz and Hellrazer enter the interview room at 3:30 PM CT and take a seat at the table, making casual small talk and banter, with interviewer Emmitt Bentley preparing his notes and recording devices, greeting the two as they sit down. Two other subjects of interest, Grimm Clara and Ernust Brantley, were unavailable at the time.]
Emmitt: [turning on the recording device] –let’s just get this… are we good?
Xxz: [gets up to check the device] Um… yeah! See? The light’s on…
Emmitt: Very good, thank you. [taps the microphone a couple of times, checking for readings on the device’s gauges and meters] Alright, we’re recording. Ahem (sneezes)...
Hellrazer: [leans back in chair] Bless you.
Emmitt: [sniffles and wipes nose with a tissue] Thanks, augh… (sniffles) [sic]. Anyways, I am Emmitt Bentley, intel officer for The Liger Brigade. It is currently 3… 3:33 PM Central Time – huh, strange coincidence… Did you guys know I study numerology?
Hellrazer: [nods respectfully] A holy number indeed.
Emmitt: Right [respectfully in return]. We are aboard Sky Fortress Camelot above United States airspace. I am currently speaking to Geraldine Carry Beulens, also known as “Gerri” [Xxz groans a little] – who goes by the alias “Xxz,” pronounced differently from how it is spelled [sic] [pronunciation: Ecks-Zee]. Now Xxz, you are a bounty hunter, correct?
Xxz: Yesss indeedy! [sic] I’m an information broker and specialize in investigations, like Mary Pickford does. [Mary Pickford being a fellow bounty hunter and member of The Gemini Division, in addition to working extensively with The Magic Anomaly Investigation Group]
Emmitt: I understand you were in a relationship with one of our subjects? [Specialist William Ford II]
Xxz: Jeez, what is this, an interrogation? [laughs, with the other two chuckling] Yeah, I was his girlfriend from 2011 to 2017 – we… broke up due to just… drifting away from each other, I guess. (pauses) Hey, speak of the devil; where is Will? Is he here at the moment?
Emmitt: I believe he is currently in New York City, getting ready for his court case against Laurence Duckenfield…
Xxz: [groans loudly in displeasure] JEEZ, THAT TOSSPOT!
Hellrazer: [puts his hands together] It’s good to see that vile monster of man [Laurence] finally put in his place.
Emmitt: [pauses, as he gives Hellrazer an uneasy look before resuming] Um, yeah, agreed… Ahem, I am also speaking to the man known as “Hellrazer,” or the depths demon Renk-Traell – another bounty hunter.
Hellrazer: A pleasure indeed, Mr. Bentley [there is brief blip of static as he speaks, picked up on the devices’ instruments]
Emmitt: [taps the gauges for the instruments] Blasted thing… Hellrazer, while not an active member of the Brigade and its allies, is one of our foremost informants on the goings-on of The Profane Alliance. I understand you have ties to one of our other subjects? [Vlad IV Dracul]
Hellrazer: Indeed, as Vlad has sought out my help many times in the past – given his previous life and the amends he’s been trying to make, it would stand to reason that he would be seeking out people such as Clara and myself.
Emmitt: Quite the interesting story to say the least. Now what I want to discuss is The Texas Incident [there is a pause as Xxz bubbles her lips in frustration]. The Texas Incident was a failed mission where Will [Emmitt refers to the subject with his nickname due to being familiar with him] was sent to Texas to investigate a concern that a part of The Great Uncity [from The Unlight] was beginning to extend into San Antonio. This was an easy, low-risk mission, or so we thought. What happened was that agents of The Sons of Hecate [it is unclear if they were affiliated or not] had captured Will and proceeded to attempt to traffick him to the Balkans. Will was ambushed during the night in his hotel room, knocked out cold, and um… [looks uncomfortable]
Hellrazer: Go ahead and say it…
Xxz: Yeah, no beating around the bush, ha…
Emmitt: [clears throat] Well, he was vacuum sealed in an envelope of industrial-grade rubber, [hesitates, with Xxz nodding] the whole contraption being called a… ugh, vacuum bed, as per people in the alternative lifestyle space say [turns away to groan].
Xxz: [smiles in a mildly disrespectful way, but not to mock Emmitt] Makes you a little uneasy, doesn’t it?
Emmitt: (sighs) It’s weird, alright? Like, I don’t get how people can just do that – film themselves in those… acts, and post it for everyone to see!
Hellrazer: The decline of morals isn’t exclusive to the criminal underground…
Emmitt: I mean look – if you want to do that on your own time in the privacy of your bedroom – ARGH, getting back on track! [composes himself] Let’s just say Will was restrained for now. Will was restrained and moved to a criminal facility in Florida where they had planned to send him discretely by cargo freighter to the Balkans, specifically to a facility in Montenegro, then to Belarus [both facilities alluded to being owned by The Sons of Hecate]. Thankfully we already had people on the inside that were aware of this little plot.
Hellrazer: [leans in with his hands together] Yes, as Ernust Brantley had alerted Grimm Clara, who in turn recruited Xxz and I to step in and rescue Will – Currently I am not at liberty to say how Ernust acquired this intel…
Xxz: [interrupts] It was Perkele [Hellrazer groans at her, causing a noticeable blip of static in the recording – it is unclear what Xxz or Emmitt said in response to this] Don’t mind Renk, he’s just twitchy over who Perkele works for at the moment, which I legitimately can’t say at the moment…
Hellrazer: [interjects] Oh, so that’s where you draw the line? [the two glare at each other]
Emmitt: I mean, we have our suspicions, but for the sake of confidentiality and sensitivity I’ll arrest any further details.
Hellrazer: [clears his throat and causes a blip of static] As I was saying, Perkele had access to special information thanks to a… let’s just say a mole within The Profane Alliance. Ernust was quick to start working with Perkele when he showed up offering his services to Sebastian, and he’s been Ernust’s informant ever since – And yes, Sebastian has also been benefitting from this intel. Ernust was preoccupied with other matters at the time, but Grimm Clara was out the door the minute she heard Will was in danger – Clara is a fellow deep specter, so it only made sense…
Emmitt: [interjecting] based on what Anton has told us, which was pretty surprising, honestly. [referencing Grimm Clara]
Xxz: Naturally I nearly had a heart attack the minute I heard Will had been captured. [not literally, as Xxz was expressing her concern for Will]
Hellrazer: And based on some of the things Perkele has told us, am I to assume that this interview pertains to Vlad’s search for the XTRON Virus? [Emmitt nods] That’s what I figured… Sadly I don’t think this was related to that, outside of Vlad using the chaos to further his search – I firmly believe Hecate was after Will to experiment on him, given some interesting activity we’ve noticed from Synthia and The Star Eater…
Emmitt: [interjecting] We’ll have to put a pin in that one for now…
Hellrazer: [nods, with Emmitt later noting that his smile was particularly infectious at that moment] Given my absolute, burning disdain for that VILE WRETCH SATAN [the machine goes berserk for a second, with Hellrazer noticing and calming down], I was on board given that I have been trying to help get Hecate out of Sebastian’s hair…
Emmitt: (surprised) Re-really? [sic]
Hellrazer: Most certainly – stemming from a plot by Volf Blitz to clean up The Eternal Order. I’d argue this was most prominent following the aftermath of The Tyrant War, when he really began making headway in The Commercialverse – are you aware of Volf’s hatred of gnostic entities and how The Lost Darkness God uses them to keep the Cosmos ignorant, with Hecate using the tenets of gnosticism in her garbage, new-age propaganda?
Emmitt: [pauses to consider what he was told] I would… have to talk to my superiors about that one…
Hellrazer: [slowly nods] I see…
Xxz: [groans loudly out of apparent boredom, visibly annoying Hellrazer] OH MY GOD, LET’S JUST GET TO THE INTERESTING STUFF! So I was out of bed, got my gear on, and was straight off to good ol’Miami Keys!
Hellrazer: (frowns) Actually it was somewhere in the panhandle, with Hecate’s goons planning to sneak out through the Gulf of Mexico…
Xxz: [snickers and speaks in a mocking voice] Don’t you mean the Gulf of America?
Emmitt: [groans and facepalms] God, I hate that so much – JUST CALL IT THE GODDAMN GULF OF MEXICO! It’s what I’ve called it for my entire life – CHRIST, I am so glad President Donovan undid that and sacked that dumbass! [Abel Donovan’s vice president at the time, who shall remain redacted]
Xxz: [gives a cathartic groan] THANK YOU, EMMITT, and let’s add that stupid daylight savings time law he tried to rush through behind Abel’s back! [Again, referring to Abel Donovan’s former vice president. The law in question was also vetoed.]
Emmitt: I know, right!? Yeah, let’s just have our kids going to school when its pitch black out! What could go wrong!?
Hellrazer: [clears his throat to get the attention of the other two] Let’s get back on track, everyone…
Emmitt: Ahem, right! If Will was here, he’d be having a field day with us… Scratch that last… actually, no, keep it in.
Xxz: [Gives a relieved sigh] Anyways – so I was out there with my ninja stars and anime references out the ass! [“Ninja stars” referring to a spell based on her aberrant magic] These handless latex gloves? They ain’t for show – they’re magic! SUGOI!
Hellrazer: [Clearly annoyed by Xxz’s attempts at speaking Japanese] You realize that the ninja anime you were referencing at the time wasn’t actually a ninja anime, right?
Xxz: NANI!? [Emmitt laughs in response to this outburst]
Hellrazer: It’s clearly a… erm, comic book anime – she makes me watch this nonsense whenever she’s at Clara’s bar.
Xxz: Wait, what? [angrily points at Hellrazer] First off, that anime is ICONIC – me and Will love it! And secondly, what are you talking about?
Hellrazer: [Growls, making the machines go haywire again] Do I even need to explain that stupid, might-as-well-be-illegal joint trademark those two EVER CHARMING, Extinction Order-owned comic book companies had on that one word – GOOD LORD, COULD HUMANS BE ANY MORE INSUFFERABLE?! [Xxz and Emmitt lean back as the lights flicker violently]
Emmitt: Actually they lost that trademark in September 2024, I believe… [He is pretty sure he knows what word Hellrazer is referring to.]
Hellrazer: Really now?! [The lights briefly increase in intensity aligning with Hellrazer’s change in mood]
Emmitt: Yes, Will was talking about it – “Superhero” is no longer trademarked by you know who, for the most part.
Xxz: [Smiles at Hellrazer] Hey, the government did something right for once…
Emmitt: To be clear, I think someone challenged it, the companies did not respond accordingly, and the trademark and patent office revoked it.
Hellrazer: [Nods his head approvingly, with the lights brightening and dimming in rhythm with his nods] Well then – Gerri, that anime is not a ninja anime, it’s a superhero anime!
Xxz: [Leans in towards Hellrazer] Excuse me, boy?
Hellrazer: After sitting through that unnecessary tournament arc, the obnoxious amount of filler that should have been in the story by default, and that balls-to-wall timeskip series, I can say without a shadow of doubt that it was a superhero anime!
Xxz: Sumimasen?! Care to explain your logic?
Hellrazer: They use chakra like a power system where only a select few people have it, and each of those individuals have a unique spin on how they use it, with people that can inherit those techniques – IT IS A SUPERHERO ANIME.
Xxz: WHAT? BAKA, YOU’RE MISSING THE POINT OF THE ANIME!
Hellrazer: What point do you have to make?! The main character’s orange color scheme is the only one in the whole series! And no one else has it!
Xxz: What does that have to do with anything?! How is that even relevant?!
Hellrazer: Being right is always relevant!
Xxz: What are you even right about!?
Hellrazer: You are the one who always makes me watch these children’s shows, so you’re going to shut up and sit down, especially when you don’t even have a point to counter my point!
Xxz: [stutters gibberish for a moment] YES–YES, I BLOODY-WELL DO HAVE A POINT TO MAKE.
Hellrazer: [Slams table with hands and causes the lights to flicker] NO, YOU BLOODY-WELL DON’T – GOD, now I know how Soren feels when Aurilieus argues with him!
Emmitt: [Nervously chuckles and taps table with papers quite loudly] Um, Guys? We were supposed to be discussing The Texas Incident…
Xxz: [pauses and looks at Emmitt with a look of mild embarrassment] One second, Emmitt – Kid’s shows?! Okay, how about this – I found some of those rare 90s OVAs that are super violent [Emmitt looks mildly appalled] Don’t worry, they’re not nihilistic or anything like that [turns back to Hellrazer] In fact I think I found some that are legitimately lost media…
Hellrazer: [Crosses arms] really now?
Xxz: You know how it is with us being underground and being able to find whatever you want… Emmitt, you ever hear of Go For a Punch? Saki Sanobashi?
Emmitt: [Nods, but is clearly not familiar with the referenced material] I’d have to look into it… Is it something Will is familiar with?
Xxz: (nods) And it’s complete BULLSHIT. I think I’ve found something better that’s an actual anime, however – it weirdly feels like the urban legend. You need to check it out, Hellrazer, as it has a lot of strange concepts and entities that feel like stuff we’ve seen…
Hellrazer: [Nods in return, showing a look of intrigue and contemplation] I see… You were talking about how we broke into the warehouse?
Xxz: OH YEAH, THAT! What a silly baka I am! Anyways, Clara went after the head grunt and killed him…
Emmitt: Yes, and it looks like it was pretty brutal, being crushed by a steel beam that shouldn’t have fallen from the ceiling…
Xxz: Yup, that’s her “bad luck magic” for you.
Hellrazer: I dispatched the other grunts, which was quite easy… until they brought out a no-name nephilim.
Xxz: [nods towards Emmitt’s worried expression] We’ll get to that in a moment. So I went and rescued Will, who was being loaded into a truck. [Manifests what looks like a “throwing star” from one of her gloves] It’s amazing how in anime these things always manage to miss their target every time, yet I’m pretty sure I hit every throw and nailed their arteries… [appears regretful as she dissipates the throwing star] So anyways, I went to cut Will out of the rubber, but he was hooked up to a life support system… It was too complicated, so I just said ‘screw it’ and ripped him out.
Emmitt: And what about that nephilim?
Hellrazer: A giant-class who looked like an ogre mixed with a dragon. Clara, Xxz, and I were able to drive it away, but we firmly believe it was taken to the Balkans – we’re not sure what warehouse it is residing in, which is something Vlad will have to be careful of…
Xxz: Yeah, but thankfully Will was okay, just being woozy and lethargic from the sedatives they [the criminals] had him on. Antares had me take him home, and well… made up the lie that he [Will] had been out drinking…
Emmitt: [laughs and bangs the table] Sam and Antonio actually believed that?! I mean, I knew there was a cover story employed…
Xxz: [shakes her head] Of course they didn’t believe it…
Emmitt: (sighs) Oh my God, Antares, you need to work on your cover stories… For the record, we had Vladislav ready to go over in the Balkans, and you know how seriously he takes threats to the squad…
Xxz: (nods) Mm-hmm, true that…
Hellrazer: [Takes a breath, with his exhale appearing on camera] I don’t know if you were told about this, but the nephilim in question seemed to be roaring about how he wanted to crush Vlad like a bug, which does not bode well for the near future.
Emmitt: [leans in] Really now?
Hellrazer: I have no doubt that Hecate and Ultinn are on to him [Vlad IV Dracul] – Clara and I agreed that we needed to send Mary and Shark-X out to join Gemini to throw Hecate off and allow Ernust to work his way into a certain cell of The Sons of Hecate, but that doesn’t change the fact that Ultinn knows Vlad, given his [Ultinn] past actions as Karnage…
Xxz: And then all of the stuff with Will and The Star Eater? Are you sure these things aren’t connected?
Hellrazer: [groans in frustration towards the uncertainty as he leans back, making the lights dim for a second] It bodes ill for us if they are, and could imply Audoin is poking his nose in where he shouldn’t – given that he was from the DETHBOTS commercial-universe… Then again, the ambitions between The Profane Alliance, The Eternal Order, and The Lost Darkness God are incredibly disparate. All of the infighting is evident of that.
Emmitt: You’re concern is warranted, given that The Earl Profane has been spotted in New York City, and Laurence has been working with Kenneth Stainthorpe – the lattermost we have confirmed is from Universe-231218
Hellrazer: And with Rambert Roijakkers [one of Audoin’s right hand men] causing trouble in The Great Uncity, it’s anyone’s guess where this conflict is going…
Emmitt: [writes down some notes and adjusts his position in his chair] Xxz, if you want to get up and take a breather or go get a drink, feel free to do so. I’m going to move on to The XTRON Virus subject, and I understand this is more of Hellrazer's forte…
Xxz: [yawns and stretches, then gets up and heads for the door] Alright then, let me know if you need me back.
Emmitt: Will do. Now, Hellrazer, I understand you had some run-ins with some of Demeter’s thugs?
Hellrazer: Unpleasantly so… [The lights dim a little with his frustration]
END OF EXCERPT
Next: The Hunt
ULTRAMagic Alternate © 2022 William Ford II (ChaoticTempleKnight)
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